The NFL is an Hourglass

Yesterday I was telling someone my current picks record (51-23) and I starting talking about how the NFL is such an hourglass that I don’t see why I can’t keep up my (IMO very good) record.  Then it hit me…the NFL IS an hourglass this season.  Sometimes the league is top heavy or bottom heavy.  Sometimes there’s a million teams “in the middle” and only a few on top or bottom.  This season is completely different.  So, in order to illustrate I’ll do a Power Ranking of sorts, but I’ll have only Top and Bottom teams (and one in the middle, that’s just enough room for the tiny grains of sand to trickle down to the bottom.)  I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, but I think you’ll find that the league is very much the hourglass right now (and it’s not looking to change any time soon.)

The Top…

1.  Giants – Until someone knocks them off there’s not reason to think they won’t keep rolling (even if Eli is missing a heel) and I see no reason to think they’re going to lose anytime soon.

2.  Colts- The Colts kind of snuck up on everyone after they started the season slowly against the (really bad) Jags.  No we remember…they’re the Colts and they’re good.  Who needs Marvin Harrison anyways!?

3.  Vikings – Once again, this is why you pay Brett Favre $12 Million do hand Adrian Peterson the ball.  Do you think they’re going anywhere?  I don’t.

4.  Saints – The Saints haven’t slowed down since scoring 45 points in Week 1.  I think that they might be able to get near some scoring records if they don’t take anymore weeks off like they did against the Jets and only scoring 24.

5.  Broncos – Josh McDaniels rose through the ranks because he’s a good coach…he’s the Anti-Raheem Morris.  His team is REALLY good and he totally knows what he’s doing.

6.  Bengals – Marvin Lewis ain’t playin’ around anymore.  This team is for real.  Notice how quiet Chad Johnson is (Remember I refuse to call him Ochocinco) now that they are winning.  Perhaps if he shut up faster they could have avoided some suckage the last few years.

7.  Falcons – How good did the Falcons looks destroying my49ers?  Pretty darn good.  Matt Ryan, all I have to say is…wow.

8.  Jets – Mark Sanchez as a receiver to grow with and even though they lost to Miami they are still a darn good team.  Teams like this have bad days…I think they got the bad day out of their system last week.

9.  Eagles – Donovan’s back in and and Jeremy Maclin (who has a great story.  He’s from the projects and he played Football on a youth team where a Prominent Doctor was the coach.  The coach took him into his home and brought up him up in his teens so he could live up to his potential and stay out of trouble.  Very cool.) officially rocks.  Now we see his potential…catching balls in the NFL suits him just fine.

10.  Patriots – I still contend that they are messed up, but I can’t say they stink…they just aren’t who they used to be.  Kind of like the Dennis Green Bud Light commercial {“They are NOT who we thought they were!”}

11.  Ravens – This is almost a tie.  I think the Ravens and the Patriots are the same team.  They’ve intersected on the road of NFL greatness.  The Patriots are going home to “Mediocrity” and the Ravens are on their way to “Superiority”.

12.  Steelers – They’ll get it together, but injuries and distractions are getting in the way.  IF the win the Super Bowl this year it might have to be from the 5 or 6 seed again.

13.  49ers – They got plastered by the Falcons, but this is still a good team.  The problem for some might be how they lost to a team that is clearly better than them.  Taking the goodness of the Falcons into account outs the 49ers right here at 13 and not lower as some might be prone to do.

14.  Bears – They are winning fairly consistently and Jay Cutler doesn’t look like a bust.  We know that Denver got the better end of the trade, but the Bears didn’t do too badly for themselves.

The Middle…

15.  Packers – Who knows what to say about the Packers.  They equal amounts of good and bad.  Aaron Rodgers is good, but his OLine stinks.  They’ve been quiet all year and haven’t really screamed one or the other…good or bad.  The Packers are the prime example of the team that could go on a 5 or 6 game winning or losing streak and either say “We’re great” or “We suck!”  I’ll just wait around to see what they decide.

The Bad…

16.  Chargers – Yes, this is a bad team.  They WILL go on a 5 or 6 game losing streak and pronounce how bad they are.  Do you really think that Norv Turner can coach a good team?  I don’t.

17.  Cowboys – I don’t care what their record says..the Cowboys stink.  If they didn’t then Jerry Jones wouldn’t have to assure the Dallas Nation that Wade Phillips isn’t getting fired before the end of the season.

18.  Cardinals – We can talk all we want about how nice the offense is in Arizona, but if they were that nice they’d be undefeated because they’d just outscore everyone.  The fact is that they aren’t and they can’t.  This team is bad…and has fallen right into the “Super Bowl Loser Curse”.

19.  Dolphins – This team just beat the Jets, but they still don’t have anything in the tank.  A gimicky offense will only work for so long and I think thy start noticing that as they let Chad Henne go through growing pains.  IF they stick with Henne they might be able to get above the middle before the end of the season, but right now all I see is an inexperienced QB and cracker jack offense.

20.  Seahawks – Getting Matt Hasslebeck back helps, but they are still missing Walter Jones (the person who keeps Hasselbeck from dying) and they have little to no defense.  This is not a good team.  Maybe Matty H can drag them to the middle, but I just don’t know how long he can hold up.  They live and die on him and he’s fading fast.

21.  Texans – This team has never been any good and it isn’t starting now.  They just need to understand that Matt Schaub isn’t enough.

22.  Jaguars – The Jags are in full “quit mode”.  It’s kind of like when your computer gives you the “Blue Screen of Death”.

23.  Panthers – They need to get off the Jake Delhomme train RIGHT NOW!  He is the reason for the season in Carolina…and I don’t mean Christmas…

24.  Bills – Trent Edwards to T.O.  That was supposed to work?  Yeah right.

25.  Lions – Matthew Stafford is no Matty Ice (he’s richer than Matty Ice, but long term that means nothing.)  The Lions banked on the wrong position.

26.  Redskins – This team doesn’t even have a cracker jack offense…it’s more like toe jam.  This team is pain awful.

27.  Titans – If they play Vince Young this week they are officially dumber than the Browns.  Trade Vince now!

28.-32.  Brown, Rams, Chefs, Bucs, Raiders – If I had to I’d say that the Rams are the worst team in the league because they are more screwed p than even the Raiders.  However, this is good because they need to stick to my plan and go 0-16 so they can draft Tim Tebow, Colt McCoy or Sam Bradford.

You see?  The league is all good and bad.  No wonder I have such a good picks record.  You could argue that some of the teams near the top of the Bad Division aren’t really bad, but let’s face it…if you’re below the Packers you’re bad.  Some team showcase they’re badness better than others, but they still make it so obvious.

I think the NFL will keep her curves this week.  I’ll attempt to guess how she does that in the picks…after the jump.

Houston @ Cincinnati – If I had read this one at the beginning of the season I would have said “Bad vs. Bad”.  Now, I know better.  CIN – 28   HOU – 7

Detroit @ Green Bay – This is one I thought might have had some potential.  If Detroit can step up maybe they can drag Green Bay into the “bad” abyss.  However, a bad team actually moving a mediocre team somewhere seems unlikely.  The Lions aren’t the worst team in the league, but they’re still bad and I don’t trust them.  GB – 21  DET – 9 {I still think they banked on the wrong position…}

St. Louis @ Jacksonville – With the Jags in “Blue Screen of Death” mode I think the Rams might have a chance of………nah.  The Rams are the worst team in the league and they aren’t going to stop now.  I really think we can have another defeated (yes, that’s the opposite of undefeated) team this season.

JAC – 12   STL – 3 {Don’t you find it funny that Kyle Boller is in St. Louis?  I thought he belonged in a place like that all along.}

Baltimore @ Minnesota – This is a tail of two QBs and two Defenses.  Baltimore’s defense needs to get a hold of Adrian Peterson and Minnesota’s defense needs to get a hold of Joe Flacco.  How long before Brett Favre take an uncomfortable hit?  I say he takes a BIG ONE today and the Minnesota offense kind of doesn’t get off the ground.  BAL – 27   MIN – 21 {Brett shows his age today, but not too much.  Just enough to lose though.}

Giants @ New Orleans – The Giants and Saints are going to settle some of the undefeated debate since one of them has to lose (yes, I’m smarter than most NFL players and know that games can end in ties, but that won’t happen.)  The Saints probably score too much for the Giants but Eli is a General and Drew is a gunslinger.  The General puts his team in position to win…the Gunslinger tries to shoot his way out and ends up shooting himself in the foot.  NYG – 37   NO – 35

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh – A fabulous example of my hourglass theory.  PIT – 24   CLE – 6

Carolina @ Tampa Bay – This Bad Division battle might result in more turnovers than points.  The Jake Delhomme train will mos likely stop on the tracks and the Josh Johnson train will crash right into it spilling some kind of dangerous chemical like Phosphorous Sulfur into the atmosphere and then we can just call the game early in the 1st Quarter and save everyone the suffering of having to see this debacle.  CAR – 3   TB – 0

Kansas City @ Washington – The “Acquisition Error of the Millennium” meets the “Tiddly Winks” offense.  How do people watch such horrid football?  I apologize to all KC and Skins fans.  KC – 10  WAS – 3

Philadelphia @ Oakland – “Donovan drops back, unloads it….and he hits Jeremy Maclin…15, 10, 5, Touchdown Eagles!” I thought it would be helpful to give you a clip from the game before it started.  You know that’s going to be the whole day.  Plus, I heard that Richard Seymour has been sucked into the lazy culture of Oakland and if they can turn someone like Richard Seymour into a half-ass.   PHI – 41   OAK – 3

Arizona @ Seattle – I only think this game will be good because it’s divisional and both of these teams are trying to pull themselves out of the Bad Division.  Matt Hasselbeck only needs one hit to basically poof into dust and the Arizona defense is not exactly looking like they’ll get there.  This might be a good week for Arizona to get a little closer to getting out of the badness.   Sorry Seattle fans, last week was an aberration.  ARI – 27   SEA – 14

Tennessee @ New England – “Death on Ice”.  That’s what I would call this if I were a newspaper editor in Tennessee.  The Titans window closes when they get their hats handed to them in New England.  If they play Vince Young it’ll only be more death.  Please, just trade Vince, get some value, forget this season and start over next year in a new era.  NE – 37   TEN – 12

Buffalo @ Jets – Trent Edwards to T.O. still doesn’t sound like a good idea.  I think the S.A.D. will only get worse in Buffalo after they lay down in front of the Jets.  You know this team doesn’t believe and it shows in the way they play (especially how they lost the New England game.)  “and Sanchez hits Edwards in the back of the end zone!” NYJ – 30  BUF – 10

Chicago @ Atlanta – The Bears barely made it into the Good Division and the Falcons just killed a team in the Good Division.  That doesn’t look too good for the Bears does it?  Atlanta’s on fire now and when the Bears hit the Georgia Dome they’ll probably leave feeling like they deserve to be in the Bad Division.   ATL – 37   CHI – 14

Denver @ San Diego – San Diego gets to prove my point on Monday Night!?!?!  This is great.  I can’t wait for everyone to see the Chargers the way I do…badly. Watch Norv Turner get out-coached by a dude who’s probably his son’s age and laugh with me.  DEN – 30   SD – 10 {And don’t give me the Philip Rivers mess…he’s not as good as advertised.}

I hope my Hourglass theory was interesting (and holds up.)  I guess we’ll see on Sunday.  We’ll wrap up he week on Monday and have a talk about small ball/big ball in the MLB.

Peace.

Posted by The General on Oct 17th, 2009 and filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response by filling following comment form or trackback to this entry from your site

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